'It is curious how you first begin to realise that you are alone with your thoughts'

This curiosity often arrives in the dead of the night, when the long, tapering fingers of Sleep clutch at your mind, willing defeat, and the half moons under your eyes are deepest, filled with the day that has long left you.

You should have noticed by know that as Sleep tightens its grasp on your consciousness, one’s attention span fades. Consequently, the flicker of shadows and the gentle touch of midnight breeze breathe life to unreasonable phobias and quickened heartbeats – with held breath and clenched hands, you begin to convince yourself of a metaphysical presence close by.


Time flows on, and you are left again with the realisation that you are irrevocably alone in the imprisonment of your thoughts, but oh! The fear lingers on; no amount of deep breaths can shake your trembling. It grows, and you know nothing can shake a soul like the Unknown, a common companion to Insomnia.

‘What if’s flood your mind, causing Regret and Guilt to fly in from those open windows and settle in your bones: you are soon caught in a most destructive game filled with a desire for the past and a new resilience for the future.

Then Death will arrive, silent and late, and beckon. Your thoughts will run towards the cloaked figure, and you will curse the human ability for love because nothing is more painful than grief. And when you think you can stand no more of this self-confessed inane and unhealthy recollection of your losses (the type you attempted to avoid before), Death will play his final card: revealing the bitter question mark of what happens following Life.

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August has passed by in a whisper; I turned seventeen on the fifth, and celebrated another year of revolution quietly with close friends, cinnamon toast, old playlists, late night car drives and homemade chicken potpie over the weekend.

I am currently a little under the weather, so bear with me. Writing essay upon essay has left me weary and tiresome; studying for upcoming tests and trial exams were even more exhausting! But it is growing warmer over here - Spring has arrived, and with it a fever and a joy.

Finding life a little less full of dichotomies, and instead discovering the finer shades residing patiently between the extremes. And it's nice - in a buttery, nostalgic sense, as though countless many have been through this before, and everything has been okay.

September is going well, and I hope you feel the same.

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